Allow Uncertainty to Exist
Drop the anchor in the unknown
The more we try to avoid the uncomfortable reality of our experience, the more we suffer.— Dr. Russ Harris
Chronic anxiety is the failed attempt to gain 100% certainty about the future.
The short version
You don't need to know how it will turn out. You just need to take the next step.
Let's unpack this
Anxiety is often just the desperate attempt to secure certainty in an inherently uncertain world. This creates a sense of <strong>urgency</strong> — the feeling that you need to know right now, that you can't tolerate not having an answer. It's the mind screaming, "But what if it goes wrong?" as if worrying enough will somehow prevent every bad outcome. The constant checking, googling, and asking for reassurance are all attempts to escape the discomfort of not knowing. The alternative is to drop the anchor right where you are — in the unknown — and discover that you can handle the discomfort. You've done it before. You're doing it right now, every moment.
Someone else felt this too
I can be in uncertainty without being restless. I can be in ignorance without being afraid.— Alan Watts
How this works in practice
This is ACT's core skill of "expansion" — making room for uncomfortable sensations and emotions rather than contracting against them. The goal is not to feel certain, but to act effectively while feeling uncertain.
How this helps with the people in your life
- You can't know if a new friendship will deepen. Show up anyway.
- Not knowing where a relationship is heading is uncomfortable — and normal.
- Let relationships unfold at their own pace instead of trying to lock down the future.
Try a practice
A guided exercise that pairs well with this principle.