Build a Life Around Values
Not around anxiety reduction
True happiness is not about eliminating difficult feelings; it's about living a rich, full, and meaningful life.— Dr. Russ Harris
If your goal is to feel less anxious, your world shrinks. If your goal is to live your values, your world expands.
The short version
Let your values, not your fears, write your daily agenda.
Let's unpack this
When your primary goal becomes "feel less anxious," every decision filters through avoidance. You skip the party. You avoid the conversation. You stay in the safe job. Your world gets smaller and smaller. Values offer a different compass. Instead of asking "what will feel safest?" you ask "what direction do I want my life to move?" Values aren't goals (things you achieve and tick off) — they're directions you keep moving in. Connection. Growth. Honesty. Contribution. When you live by values, anxiety becomes just one feeling among many, not the driver of your life.
Someone else felt this too
He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.— Friedrich Nietzsche
How this works in practice
This is the "commitment" half of ACT. Values work is central: you identify what truly matters to you, then use that as the guide for action — regardless of how you feel in the moment.
How this helps with the people in your life
- Choose connection over safety — reach out even when it feels risky.
- Let honesty be your compass, even when it's uncomfortable.
- Ask: "What kind of partner do I want to be?" — then act from that, not from fear.