Focus on What Is Yours
The Dichotomy of Control
Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions.— Epictetus
Your energy belongs strictly to your own actions, choices, and responses — everything else is noise.
The short version
If you can't change it directly right now, it belongs outside your focus.
Let's unpack this
This is the cornerstone of Stoic practice. When you catch yourself spiralling, the first question to ask is: "Is this something I can directly change right now?" If it's an external event, someone else's opinion, the economy, the past, or a future that hasn't arrived — it belongs outside your circle of control. Your mental energy is a finite resource. Spending it on things you cannot influence is not just unproductive; it's exhausting. The discipline is not about ignoring the world — it's about knowing exactly where to place your effort so that your efforts actually matter.
Someone else felt this too
We must make the best of those things that are in our power, and take the rest as they naturally happen.— Epictetus, Discourses
How this works in practice
The goal is not to stop caring about things — it's to put your energy where it can actually make a difference. ACT calls this "committed action": pouring your energy into what aligns with your values, regardless of outcomes.
How this helps with the people in your life
- Stop trying to fix your partner's emotions — just be present with them.
- You cannot control how others perceive you, only how you show up.
- Set boundaries around what you will and won't carry for others.
Try a practice
A guided exercise that pairs well with this principle.